Inbred Redneck Vampires

When B-movies go bad...I like a good B-Horror movie like the next guy, but it has to be somewhat watchable for me to get into it.  Some try to mix comedy with horror and some just try to go for that full-on fright angle.  If the director is really trying and is clever, I’ll buy into it, but if there is a lack of effort and it is painful to get through, then that is where I have to draw the line.  As we all know, vampire flicks are all the rage these days, especially with the success of the killer HBO series True Blood and the lame Twilight series.  You have to be careful when making a movie about bloodsuckers, because there is so much out there, you have to distinguish yourself from the masses.  The latest vampire flick to hit my DVD player was Inbred Redneck Vampires, let’s see if it has what it takes to make it into the rotation.

Redneck Inbred Vampires is about a female vampire, and her human minion, who’s plot is to turn a whole redneck village into a vampire army, in order for her to battle a vampire slayer.  Sounds interesting, but it has to be done well, to pull it off.  As with most B-rated flicks the acting is somewhat poor and the effects are pretty cheesy, but I’m okay with that, as long as the story stays on track and remains somewhat entertaining.  Instead of focusing on the vampires, the movie focuses on a couple of dip-shit rednecks and a gay decorator.  Sounds weird, I know.  A small portion of the movie focuses on the vampire and her quest for redneck domination,  but the majority focuses on the decorator, a dwarf and a moron.  I have to say I came close to turning this one off several times, because it was soooo bad.  This was not one of the better B-flicks I have seen, by far.  Some may enjoy this one, but my guess is, it won’t be many.

Bottom Line:  One of the worst movies I’ve seen in some time.  It was painful to watch at times, and it is a miracle I made it through the whole thing.  Some might get a kick out of it, but I‘m sure the audience that this flick will attract will be fairly small.

- Ragman has a headache

You Maybe Wanna Talk?

There are some interesting discussions happening over in our Discussion forums if you want to chime in.  Check it out and "hip us to your personal wisdom".

- Genghis loves to bust out his Dennis Miller quotes...

Where's The Metal Minute?

Sorry about the whole Metal Minute being on indefinite hiatus, but some unforeseen things have put that on hold.  But!  Buuut it's coming back soon, I promise.

I'm trying to figure out a way to put them out weekly and ON TIME.  I think the whole live production with me standing in front of the monitor, Talk Soup style, doesn't work as easily as I'd hoped, but it's getting figured out.  If anyone has any suggestions for FREE software for video production that would allow me to make my own Powerpoint presentation and I can simply overdub my voice over it, I'd be quite pleased.

- Genghis really does enjoy The Metal Minute, seriously...

Jorn - Dio

A Dio tribute done right!Jorn Lande must be the busiest man in hard rock and heavy metal.  Jorn is currently fronting his solo band as well as returning to Masterplan, and believe it or not he is even on tap to join Glenn Hughes, at the High Voltage Festival, to co-front Heaven and Hell.  He and Glenn will pay tribute to the late great Ronnie James Dio.  It is no secret that Jorn is a huge fan of Ronnie’s music, because he has covered several of his tracks, in the past.  It will be a monumental day in metal history, in which I hope will get some sort of professional release down the line.  That being said, Jorn has just released a 13 track  CD full of covers, of the legend that was RJD, appropriately titled Dio. 

Dio is what you would expect; the songs are pretty true to form with a few twists.  As always Jorn and his band sound amazing and their rendition’s of the Dio tunes are spot on.   If you’re a Jorn fan you’ve heard a few of these before.  Jorn is no stranger to Dio covers and some of those covers re-appear on this release like Kill the King (Rainbow) and Lonely is the World/Letter From Earth (Black Sabbath).  The interesting thing about this release is that he covered a couple tracks from Dream Evil and Sacred Heart.  I was surprised to see those represented in the track listing.   I think some of the best covers on this CD are the ones he did from the Holy Diver record.  I really like his interpretations of Invisible and Shame on the Night.  Jorn has also included one original for the CD titled Song for Ronnie James Dio.  It is a song in which most of the lyrics are made up of Dio song titles.  It is a cool tune and would have made Ronnie proud.  That being said, I believe Ronnie would have enjoyed the full record.  I’m not sure if he heard it before his passing, because it was almost completed before he left us, but I think he would have dug it.  He was a fan of other great vocalist, and Jorn is definitely one of them.  A solid effort and fitting tribute to one of the greatest vocalists that heavy metal has ever seen.

Bottom Line: Jorn paying homage to one of his idols and doing it well.  The great thing about the Jorn solo band sound is that they are so heavy, which in turn breathes life into some of the older tunes.

Standout Tracks: Song for Ronnie James Dio, Invisible, Sham on the Night and Letters From Earth.

- Ragman misses the great one. 

Vanden Plas - The Seraphic Clockwork

German progressive metal at its finest.For those of you whose only familiarity with Vanden Plas is seeing the name on the back of some rich guy's Jag, this German progressive metal band has been cranking out music for nearly 25 years.  That said, The Seraphic Clockwork is only their 6th studio album to date.  And if you're looking for music set firmly in the archetypes of the genre, you've come to the right place.

Vanden Plas' strengths lie in crafting compelling rhythms with a judicious use of dynamics, reminiscent of genre forefathers like Dream Theater.  Following another common prog metal standard, The Seraphic Clockwork is a concept album chock full of imagery.  Songs like Holes In The Sky will definitely call to mind the satisfying unison runs (at 3:35 in the track) heard so often on albums like Images and Words.  While Sound of an Angel wields the power of Symphony X-style interludes (@ 2:26) with ease.  But don't let me mislead you; Vanden Plas definitely puts its own stamp on the genre with a Gothic chorus on Sound of Blood (2:25) and a string accompaniment on Quicksilver (1:51) and On My Way To Jerusalem (:25), the album's showpiece.

Andy Kuntz ably handles the singing chores, from smooth crooning to accentuating growls, demanded of prog metal's better vocalists.  Stephan Lill's guitar work won't immediately blow you away necessarily, but make no mistake, he can play.  See what I mean on tracks like Quicksilver (7:29) and on the intense Rush of Silence (7:11) for proof of his skills.

The Bottom Line:  Despite a disappointingly flat mix overall, The Seraphic Clockwork is a solid album from one of the better bands in the genre.  Fans of prog metal should definitely add this to their collection.

- Genghis likes his metal proggy